My Journey With Muscular Dystrophy and Making Music
My Journey With Muscular Dystrophy and Making Music
I decided that I would share some of my life and what I go through as a music artist, producer/studio owner and someone with Limb Girdle 2i Muscular Dystrophy. By doing so I hope to raise some awareness for LGMD and disabled musicians.
Limb girdle muscular dystrophy causes weakness, chronic pain, and fatigue. My muscles don’t make the enzyme required to completely relax. It’s a DNA thing. There is no treatment or medication, though I do a lot of natural treatments such as acupuncture, massage, vitamins & supplements.
I’m pretty much always in pain & uncomfortable, my muscles are always tight, I fall often and without grace and it’s not easy to get me back on my feet. I’m really weak. Simple tasks, such as putting my underwear on, is not easy – even on the good days – and some days I can’t do it myself and need help. I can usually get a half gallon of milk back in the fridge, but definitely not a full gallon. I walk with a cane to help with my balance, having a cool cane is the only benefit to MD other than the VIP parking pass.
On Stage, Under the Lights…
I’ve loved music since before I can even remember. Rushing home after kindergarten to listen to “I’m Down” & “Ticket To Ride” Beatles 45s, I was obviously the coolest kid in my kindergarten class in 1982. But, by age eight I was slowing down and having problems walking and running. This began my lifelong struggle with Muscular Dystrophy.
During my younger years I was still fairly active & able to do many of the things that I loved, though not without a boatload of cramps and pain. I went skiing, motorcycling, and swimming at the Pike Hole on the Apple River near my home in Wisconsin.
In my teens I learned to play guitar and caught the music bug hard. After graduating high school I attended Music Tech in Minneapolis for their guitar program in 1995-1996 and then in 1997 I went for their music business and recording program, though I only attended 2 semesters because I was having trouble keeping up with my attendance because of my health.
Over the next 15 years I played in a slew of different bands. From original bands like Captain i, with my best friends from high school, to u2 & Radiohead tribute bands, to your “Free Bird” playing cover bands. During this time I was also learning to record music on a computer, and I was writing a lot of songs on my 4 track as well.
Stage Retirement
I retired from playing live around 2012. Carrying equipment had already been too hard for years, and getting a complicated guitar rig set up is really hard when you can’t bend over and get back up. Not to mention standing for hours with a guitar was completely exhausting and I would be down for several days after a gig. A big thank you to my former band mates for lugging my heavy gear, especially that beast Ampeg G60 6×10 speaker!
Another reason I stopped playing live is that none of the stages I was playing on were accessible for disabled musicians. This is something that really bothers me and is playing a big part in me sharing my story. If I could get back up on those stages, I’d do it in a fucking heartbeat. Excuse my fucking french.
Sinking To a New Low
At this point in my life (2013) I was struggling with depression, my best friend had died recently, and the prescription painkillers the doctors had been throwing at me for the last 13 years were taking their toll mentally & physically. I had finally had enough and I went cold turkey.
After 8 long grueling months of feeling withdrawals I was finally free of their hold on me. Pain management actually became easier, the pills had made me over sensitive to pain and my mental suffering began to ease up as well.
In 2016 I was diagnosed with El Lung Cancer and had the middle & bottom lobes of my right lung removed during a 9 hour surgery. Luckily the surgeons got all of the cancer out and I didn’t need chemo or radiation.
Redefining My Musical Ambitions
Not one to sit idle, I decided that releasing some music would be good for me and my brain, so in September of 2016 the instrumental album Prairie Dogs Have Plague! Volume 1 was released. The idea behind PDHP was that I had all of these “mini songs” I felt wouldn’t work in the traditional sense of a song; verse chorus verse etc. But when you tie eight of them together as a short album, the songs truly came to life.
“PDHP is an album of song ideas that have accumulated over the last 15 years. These short little ditties were all just stragglers, wandering around on my hard drive, not doing anything. They were just train track hobos with no jobs or ambitions…. Just some bastard songs who had no home. So, I decided to build them this little “hobo camp” of an album.
Many of these ideas were late night ramblings, I would move on to the next idea before fully flushing out the last idea and never actually finishing them. Kind of like musical A.D.H.D.”
~ Nathaniel Roland
I had an opportunity to start a small recording studio in 2017, and started recording and producing other artists songs and albums. My love for music was more than renewed. The fire had been lit again and it was burning hot!
Shortly after opening my studio I released my album Phoenix of Tragedy. My first album of full length “real songs” with me singing and playing every instrument (except drums on several songs). Phoenix of Tragedy is almost a polar opposite of Prairie Dogs Have Plague, a complete 180 degree turn.
On This Album I Finally Found My Voice…
Some of the songs on Phoenix of Tragedy were written while I was sick with cancer and some were written after and as I recovered. It’s a bit dark at times, but when you live in constant pain and discomfort it’s easy to embrace a little darkness. You just have to remember to keep love and hope in your heart so you don’t get swallowed by the darkness.
On the song Phoenix of Tragedy I think it’s obvious what I’m singing about.
Nate recording Phoenix of Tragedy in his studio. Read more about Nathaniel Roland’s album Phoenix of Tragedy
Phoenix of Tragedy
I have no wind left in my sails
And my skin looks kind of pale
I have no gas in my tank
I just don’t know who I have to thank
Rise, you’re the Phoenix of tragedy
I said rise, you’re the Phoenix of tragedy
“I wrote this song about rising up through a rough time, or a tragedy, or darkness, whatever it is that a person may be fighting through. Sometimes you have to fight for years before you get to the really good stuff. Shake off those flames, baby. Rise up & become that fucking bird of fire.”
~ Nathaniel Roland
It might be dark but, it fills me with hope. To me, this song is saying “yeah you might not have the physical energy, but you have a brain and you’ve got shit to do, my friend.”
And I do have lots of shit to do, even though these days I struggle to get a guitar strap over my shoulder, I fight with microphone stands, and it’s painful to play guitar for an extended time, I’m still busy every week putting in as much time into my music as my body will allow.
My guitar playing might not be the same as when I was younger and stronger, I can’t play as long as I’d like, or rip a solo quite like I used to, but I’m okay with that. My songwriting has improved, and that’s what I am concentrating on these days. My songs are usually slow tempo and easy to play.
I have been writing songs and pieces of music since 1994. I started on a 4 track tape machine, then a computer. I have enough material in my archives for several more volumes of Prairie Dogs Have Plague! Volume 3 was just released in March 2023 and PDHP Volumes 4 & 5 are both in the works. I’m currently putting the finishing touches on another full length album of “real songs” with me singing and playing all the instruments except for drums.
I think that if my music can inspire someone out there with a disability to create their art to the best of their ability and release it into the world, then writing this blog post will have been worth it. If you are a musician with MD or another serious disability I would love to hear from you. I want to hear your story and listen to your music!
If any disabled musicians need help recording and composing, or even if you just want to talk, please reach out to me, I’m happy to help in any way I can. Let’s get your music out there!
I also think if we can bring some awareness to the world maybe we can get some ramps or lifts next to these stages so we can take our rightful places under the stage lights with our able bodied musician friends.
Peace, love, & music,
Nathaniel Roland Wycoff
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Nathaniel Roland’s music is available on all streaming services or at https://natermusic.com/shop/
April 12, 2023 @ 6:31 am
Well said. I too have LGMD. I spent years as a police officer. Traded my badge in for a wheelchair and have been teaching at a local high school for the past 10 years. I have attended music events, concerts and other musical entertainments and not once have I been able to access the stage with family and friends due to no ramp or lift. It’s often frustrating at best, but know I’m still living the dream. 😉